There has been a lot of stuff in the press this last few weeks about a book written by Palliative Care Nurse about what dying people have told her about the regrets in their lives:
http://m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying?cat=lifeandstyle&type=article
1. I wish I'd lived my life true to myself, not the life others expected of me ..
I DID try to live the life others expected of my when I got married to a man at 20 .. but giving that up and living openly as a lesbian and never being in the closet, even at work in a 6th form college, means I have felt very true to myself for the last 20 years at least!
I also feel quite happy about that. It was not an easy decision twenty years ago but I think it helped a lot of young people to know they had an "openly" gay teacher back then, or even now .. the closet is still a cosier place for many gay teachers .. and don't even think about gay footballers.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
I have always worked hard, but I don't regret it. I was lucky to have a job I enjoyed, working with and helping young people. I was able to express my creative side through my job, as a teacher, too. This makes work more satisfying, I think.
At times it was unbalanced, but mostly I got a lot our of it and I don't think I missed out on other aspects of life, perhaps it would feel different if we'd had kids of our own instead of looking after other people's!
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Erm, do you ever read anything I write? Maybe the opposite of this is a problem sometimes but I certainly can, and do, express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I am stil in touch with many good friends including from school and uni ...
Maybe not having children gives you time to do this, if you lost touch with your friends then you must look more to your family?
5.I wish that I had let myself be happier.
I am lucky enough to have a partner who makes being happy the default position, and lovely family and friends who make me laugh a lot ...
Maybe I am unusual, but maybe this is why I am not afraid of dying, it has been a great life and I do not have big regrets. Even things I would rather have done differently are still the things I have done. I must (and do) accept them because they cannot be undone.
I think it is better to accept how my life is / turned out and not regret anything ... I am quite DOWN on regret as a train of thought, actually!
