Inkblot test

With a few unexpected extra hours before I have to go to the hospital I thought I'd do a few on-line tests .. I quite like the Tickle site (even though it has more adverts these days than it used to .. .. )

I did the Inkblot test which is based on the original Rorschach test

I wont be buying the detailed report, but I rather like the summary:

• You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way. You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are...

hmm - cute, eh!

You can try it yourself here, and see if we all get the same thing! BUT be warned about the adverts! http://uk.tickle.com/

Wild Nights

My lovely brother just reminded me of this poem, by Emily Dickinson, which has this strong metaphor of being safely moored with the one you love ...
and being done with the sailing ..
so when my sailing through the chemo is done, we will be in Eden.

I sort of think this poem was part of the impetus for how B and I changed our names when we first got together and I still like it ...


Wild Nights – Wild Nights!
Were I with thee
Wild Nights should be
Our luxury!

Futile – the Winds –
To a heart in port –
Done with the Compass –
Done with the Chart!

Rowing in Eden –
Ah, the Sea!
Might I but moor – Tonight –
In thee!

Stoical

In recent comments (over on the main blog) there has been some talk of how I am taking the news of loose cancer cells in my abdomen, and wether this might give rise to "blind terror" or even the "screaming Dr Adabs" ... when I said that I have no choice but to be stoical.

Brigid and I were talking this over again and we both think that it is important to mark the point that without the endless love and support of our families and friends this level of calm would be impossible to sustain. "Being stoical" is a choice, but it is a choice made easy by the contributions of very many other people! We are just surrounded by love and care:

we have certain pals who call us up on the phone every day,

other pals who call regularly each week,

we have other "regulars "who prefer to keep in touch each day via these blogs,

we have emails from lots of other people, such as colleagues from work,

I have internet pals who keep me amused on my message-board of choice,

some totally NEW emailers who want to help after meeting me on-line.

lots of people say prayers or other spiritual things for us

we also have DVDs to watch (loaned by friends) and books to read (loaned or bought for us by friends)

we are surrounded by pretty things like cards, flowers and other kind gifts which encourage us to smile.

some people cook for us

some people drive me around

we've got excellent doctors and nurses who really CARE about us (B thinks Dr Adab and his chemicals are wonderful -- and she thinks she needs to speak up for scientists! actually my word in praise of scientists is "I appreciate the chemistry of the stoma care products!")

and last, but not least, hardly a day goes by without a cheerful visitor with tales of their own to distract us from our story and keep us entertained.

So, we are not on our own in this, and we are very grateful for the efforts of each and everyone of you who contributes their bit to this big picture. All of this allows us to carry on in a cheerful and life-enhancing way, regardless of the "pesky crumbs" *

*Jean's words for the bits of cancer that are still left after the loaf has gone!

Rabindranath Tagore

Here's a second thing from him (Aunty Barbara sent over the first one)

Liz Kirby sent this over, it is an extract from a letter that Rabindranath Tagore wrote to his young wife..

• 
  In everyone's life major crises occur, in which the utmost patience and self-control are required. We then realise how silly we are to complain of trivial, daily annoyances, petty aches and pains.
• I shall love, and I shall do my best, and I shall do my duty by others cheerfully - if we follow this principle, we can cope with anything.
• Life does not last long, and its pleasures and travails are also constantly changing. Wounds, setbacks, deceptions - it's hard to bear them lightly; but if we don't, the burden of life gradually becomes insufferable and it becomes impossible to fix one's mind on any goal or idea. If we fail, if we live in dissatisfaction and tension day after day, in constant conflict with our circumstances, then our lives become completely futile.
• Great calm, generous detachment, selfless love, disinterested effort: these are what make for success in life. If you can find peace in yourself and can spread comfort around, you will be happier than an empress.

He says a lot about how I try to live my life, and even now, facing a "major crisis" I aim to keep cheerful and shake off the dissatisfactions that life offers in order to enjoy what we do have, here together, while we have it.

I can't claim to be a particularly good yogi, really, but this sort of thing is my goal.