letter for lisa RIP

Hello.  I was sad to read you are confined to bed.  Things might even have changed since then.

I have recently read (the anti-cancer guru) Dr Shervan-Schreiber's book about the last stages of his life.  It is called the Not the Last Goodbye .. and he reflects on this business of saying goodbye to people and knowing each time that it might be the last one.

And for as long as possible it may NOT the last one, but we can sometimes say goodbye as though it IS the last one, just to make sure we say the things we need to say. We never know when the really last one will be, and that is fine ...  it is fine just  to keep saying our last goodbyes .. 

I hope this is not our last goodbye, Lisa, but just in case it turns out that way, I am coming into a private space to tell you that I will miss you.  I have valued your inter-net friendship and enjoyed your writing very much. Thank-you. 

Your voice comes across clear and spirited, always so full of wit and wisdom.  You model a way of living with cancer that  motivates and inspires many of us, and I am grateful to you for that. Your blog will go on after you and continue to do that for strangers you will never know.

I only know of your personal life that which you choose to write about, and it is a fascinating read, for sure.  I am especially glad when I read of you making your peace with people and being so proud of your kids, because that must bring peace to your heart.

I hope you pass away with peace in your heart.  You are so young it must be very hard to let go of the anger ... very hard indeed.  

There is a deep sadness  (that you know yourself ) when people on the same cancer train are taken by it.  You and I started out on this at about the same time and it is so unfathomable how it can go differently for a while.  I am doing pretty good just now,  but the damned thing is there and waiting for us both .. It is so  much  closer to you now, and that  chills me and angers me, but I will not lay that out for you in detail, there is no point now.  Reading your experiences will certainly help me when my turn comes.

All I can say is that I have struggled to find the words for this, and I hope I have not offended you in some way ..  it is  hard to know what might seem wrong in these uncharted waters .. it is all well-meant, though, and I wanted you to know that I will miss you and grieve for you. 

With deep regard and kindest thought, Lisa. 

From Susan xxxxx

Peaceful Thoughts