how do you stay strong and positive?

Everywhere I turn at the moment I seem to be hearing about more ppl with cancer. I've been told about TWO freinds of friends just in this week with pancreatic cancer, then I've been in touch with an ex-student whose partner has had ovarian cancer treatment and now another (young) pal whose (equally young) partner has just been diagnosed with a cancer.

This pal **waves @ saffy** wrote to ask me for tips on keeping strong -- I advised her a bit and concluded with an invitation to come here to read these poems etc .. and then I realised it's 6 months since I up-dated this section. No doubt something to do with being in remission since the end of October! haha

Actually I noticed that over the past couple of weeks I was definitely starting to get very stressy, irritable, short of breath and with raised blood pressure: sure signs of my body showing my mind's unease. The old controls and trusted techniques seemed not to be working and I was, quite frankly, getting frightened about my next scan at the end of this month. It felt as though being in the illness was easier than this waiting time before a scan and being afraid of the possibility of being in treatment again.

Planning a trip to our favourite Welsh luxury hotel for immediately after the scan results, and now talking to saffy, have both helped me to "turn my head around". I think I'm feeling more "normal" and less stressy again now.

I have re-affirmed to myself that it wasn't THAT bad being in treatment, that there were lots of things I enjoyed in my life in all that time since my diagnosis (Sept 2006) and think that if it is bad news on 25th April we can and will cope with it again.

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I thought I would copy here some of the things I wrote to saffy, in case other ppl are reading this who might benefit from my thoughts on what "staying strong and positive" in this situation actually meant to me:

the first is what my oncologist always says:
"live your life" and he means try to engage in the normal things you normally do as much as you can, albeit modified by treatment programmes and the rigours of the treatments (which can be hard .. of course)

try to be normal, basically and don't think forward too much I also keep saying to myself, "I'm not dead yet" .. and (if )actually becauase I DO have a short life expectancy then I force myself to think: what the hell is the point of making these precious days together miserable by dwelling on the hard stuff, and fears for the future ?

The future will come, and if it's shit, deal with the shit as it happens, not wasting valuable time fretting about it in advance - especially if it never happens, what a waste of emotional energy! Mostly this works for me.

I use distraction techniques too: lots of interaction with internet pals, phone calls with family and friends, reading, TV,tapestry ... making nice food, looking at the wonders of the natural world, little things that are normal and easy ... these work for me.

B has had a counsellor, soem of the time and I used the free services of a local Macmillan nurse over the phone just to talk about what was happening, in a sort of professional and calm way. In general I try very hard not to do ANY talking, ever, to anyone, about "how bad it is" .. cos it just upsets me for no point at all. I DO, on the other hand talk quite a lot about the facts of it, in a, erm, factual way!

As my carer I encouraged B to go out with a couple of our mates on her own so that she could do what crying and negative stuff she needed to do with other ppl, not me. I think you (saffy) would benefit from some private space in which you can vent your fears, then recover and go back to smiling ..

Sometimes we have just cried and cried together in fear and mostly in dread of the seperation that death brings. Then we just have to let it happen -- we can't control it all the time, but we try to keep it in a box, and I think we've done it about 6 or 7 times in the time (about 20 months so far) then we dry it up and try to forget about it again.

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So there we are .. I'd also add "counting my blessings" though it sounds a bit "twee" for my style .. but is IS true, cos I think I am very lucky in the quality of my friends and family and also we've got no money worries .. It's easier to be strong a positive when you're bouyed up by as much love and security as I, and B, find in our lives .. so yes, we are lucky and I DO count my blessings.

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If there are other ppl reading this, out there, touched by cancer, then please feel free to add your comments and other advice on what it means to you to stay strong and positive.

Cheers
me dears
xxxxx